it’s been a while since i’ve posted. a really long while. but there’s something i’ve been sitting with the past few days.
there’s something beautifully simple about it. it’s probably one of the first lessons my parents taught me…not to lie. to always be honest. But actually practicing “truth” in a consistent way – both with others and ourselves – is a bit harder. in fact, the simplicity of “truth” began to fade away after a few minutes of really thinking about what it meant to me. this goes beyond not being a pathological liar, or a cheat, or even the white lies. it means not ever giving anyone an impression of yourself that is anything but true. in today’s world of ‘fakebook’ and our ‘insta-lives’, in a lot of ways, being honest with ourselves is often trickier, and less pleasant than just the act of being honest and kind with others.
hell…i’m pretty sure we all have demons we don’t want to deal with or past issues we don’t want to face…people and things we don’t feel like we can let go of for one reason or another.
i’m realizing though, and not just through the course of the past couple of days, but over the past several months really, that i need to “go there”. to look at the dark and the ugly, without self judgement… even when it’s not easy to do. because being truthful and real about the shortcomings, the messes, and the places in my life where i have an opportunity to grow and transform…connecting with that and learning not to be consumed by it…learning how to let it go. understanding how to forgive myself rather than beat myself up. to find the balance between effort (or even trying too hard) and surrender. knowing when to express myself and when silence may be more appropriate….
so i’m going to sit with this a little while longer…because in the process of doing so, i already feel a little bit more free ❤